You were born late last night right into the arms of Jesus.
Daddy and I were scared, it was so very hard. I kept thinking that it was too soon, that this wasn't right. I wanted to keep you safe and sound and warm with me where you belong.
I knew with each stage that we were getting closer. It was so hard to go through it all knowing that my body wasn't working hard to bring life, but death.
I know that you are okay. I know that you are happy and so very loved exactly where you are. A beautiful new and perfect body you have been given.
Although your Heavenly Father chose not to restore you here on earth, I am comforted by the truth that you have been restored for glory.
I ache so very much for you both today. It's no longer "us" but just "me."
I think about all the things that I will never have with you both here on earth. That first incredible moment when you would enter the world with a cry and I would reach out to touch you, and comfort you for the very first time marveling at beautiful new life from my womb.
We will never rock together in my chair while I breathe in your sweet newborn smell. There will be no precious little suckling sounds at my breasts while I nourish your sweet little bodies.
Daddy and I will never get to nestle you both between us, tuck you in safe and sound, cuddling you in our bed. There will be no tangle of little legs and arms wrapped around us in the future making us laugh when we awake in the mornings.
No late night lullabies to help you sleep will be sung here.
Daddy had looked forward to getting to carry you in a sling. Mommy doesn't usually share that part very well but with two little babies, daddy would have finally gotten a turn.
There is something that you both need to know. You have the best daddy in the whole world here on earth. He is so strong around everyone else, and has been mamas rock.
When we are alone, he cries for you both. He never stopped praying for you and pleading for your lives. His faith has been my strength. And yet, his sorrow has been my comfort. I know that I am not alone in wanting you and loving you both.
We trust your Heavenly Father that He will keep you, love you, carry you until we can all be together again. There will be no sad tears, and it will feel like no time has been lost.
You will both always be a part of my very being. Never will a day go by that I won't think of you.
A piece of my heart you will carry in heaven until you are both given back to me.
Until that day when I can swaddle you against my chest, listening to your little hearts beat in rhythm, and feel your sweet baby breaths on my cheeks, I will remember you.
Thank-you Lord for fulfilling the very deep desire of my heart, for giving me these babies, these sweet little twins to carry inside of me even for just a short while.
I know that you love them even more than I, so I will find peace in knowing that they are right where they are supposed to be.