3 people came into the room to tell me my babies were dead.
I watched their little lifeless bodies on the screen in disbelief.
The beautiful, promising little flicker that beats in rhythm was just an unmoving, silent white blur on both of their small forms. And yet somehow, it screamed at me as if it could be the only thing heard in the room.
I felt as if I might stop breathing at any moment. The room felt so dark and depressing and yet moments before it had felt full of expectation and hope.
I had so many emotions while I lied there. Honestly, I cannot share them all right now. I will write throughout the week what the two days leading up to today held.
Tonight as I write this my babies are still tucked away safe in my womb. I hold them and cherish what little time I have left.
My body has not yet received the message that it is no longer needed to nurture these precious wee ones. I spent 30 mins over the toilet this morning vomiting continually until my stomach muscles ached. Its strange still feeling pregnant.
Nothing has changed, and yet everything has.
These two little ones now join our other two babies that have been lost throughout the years in heaven.
4 sweet children awaiting us in heaven.
Can I confess that I want these babies here on earth? Can I confess that it hurts so much I feel as if I'm suffocating?
(Turn off music in my sidebar)
Broken but not consumed,
10 comments:
Oh Sherry my heart just broke reading this post. I prayed so many times for you over the weekend. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I can't even imagine the grief and pain. Please know you are still in my prayers. I liked what you said in your other post about God still being on the throne. He certainly is. I know you want these sweet twins here on earth with you. It will be such a wonderful moment to reunite with your children when we are at last with Jesus. Praying for you and grieving with you,
Amanda in BC (from the AR forum)
::weeping with my sister::
I know it's not the end- I know I'll meet your babies one day, but it's still a tragedy right here , right now.
(((Sherry)))
Oh Mama I can't say anything right now that would take away your pain and I wish I could. I can only share in your pain until the day of righteousness comes! Don't let anyone tell you that you cannot grieve openly with what your heart really feels. Job did, King David did. Only don't despair because Christ has the victory over even situations such as these! If you need anything..I am here.
"broken but not consumed" ... what a beautiful statement. praying for you my friend. i cannot say that i understand but i do know a God who understands and i believe that you are tucked safely in his hands and that he will comfort you in this storm.
Sherry, I am so sorry. God IS on His throne ...and two more are there glorifying God where before they were not.
I know what you are feeling. Cling to the One who loves you more than life. We will keep praying for you and your family as you grieve.
Love,Mary
Our prayers are with you still. May God uphold you through this trying time, and may His peace dwell within you to help you through the turbulence to come. His plan is perfect, even when we cannot figure out why things happen the way they do. Praying for you.
"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4
Sher,
I don't think I can even imagine the grief that you bear right now. I only wish God answered our prayers the way we wanted Him to. Why He didn't I don't know, don't understand. But I know this one thing: He feels your pain, your sorrow and your grief. If only words could bring you immediate comfort. Hang in there and know that you are being upheld in prayer by many, many brothers and sisters today. Much much love to you.
Oh, Sherry. I am just so sad for you. I am going to pray right now.
being new to your blog i did not realize that you now have 4 babies in heaven. what a difficult time this must be for you! i am so sorry this happened. no matter what you have to do to complete this pregnancy just remember that they are already gone so they are safe and happy. we will be praying for you!
I will pray for you. I also wonder, have you been tested for Liden V. I had three miscarriages and we later (after three healthy children) found out I had Liden V. It can cause miscarriages and is easily treatable. I know it doesn't help this time, but might the next time. May God hold you in His arms and comfort you the way He did me through my three loses years and years ago.
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