We spent hours at the hospital today.
3 people came into the room to tell me my babies were dead.
I watched their little lifeless bodies on the screen in disbelief.
The beautiful, promising little flicker that beats in rhythm was just an unmoving, silent white blur on both of their small forms. And yet somehow, it screamed at me as if it could be the only thing heard in the room.
I felt as if I might stop breathing at any moment. The room felt so dark and depressing and yet moments before it had felt full of expectation and hope.
I had so many emotions while I lied there. Honestly, I cannot share them all right now. I will write throughout the week what the two days leading up to today held.
Tonight as I write this my babies are still tucked away safe in my womb. I hold them and cherish what little time I have left.
My body has not yet received the message that it is no longer needed to nurture these precious wee ones. I spent 30 mins over the toilet this morning vomiting continually until my stomach muscles ached. Its strange still feeling pregnant.
Nothing has changed, and yet everything has.
These two little ones now join our other two babies that have been lost throughout the years in heaven.
4 sweet children awaiting us in heaven.
Can I confess that I want these babies here on earth? Can I confess that it hurts so much I feel as if I'm suffocating?
(Turn off music in my sidebar)
Broken but not consumed,