Friday, May 28, 2010

Sweetly Broken, Wholly Surrendered

The day arrived.

My little ones due date came and went. Since it was winter when they died there was far too much snow on the ground to bury them. We decided to wait and bury them on their due date which was May.21 st and along with them the planting of a tree.

I hesitated on whether to show these...that is why it is a week later. If I offend anyone, I am sorry.

Each picture tells a story and has special meaning to me. It is how I needed to capture and remember this whole journey and its conclusion.

The new song(Sweetly Broken)playing on my playlist is the song of my heart these days. The words comfort and restore me...

"At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered "

"In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness"

Monday, May 24, 2010

Blessed is the Woman

"Blessed is the woman who has a smile in her voice, a sparkle in her eyes, a song on her lips; a spring in her step, a warmth in her touch, a depth to her beauty, a purpose for her life, a joy in her faith, a hope in her breast and love in her heart."
~William Arthur Ward

Monday, May 17, 2010

Fire for Jesus

I received an email where a woman was expressing how her fire for Jesus had gone out. She confessed that she just did not have that flame blazing in her soul any longer.

I responded to her with an analogy that I heard a speaker and friend share. He compared the distractions of the world that steal our time and attention as the appealing lure of junk food.
We consume junk food regularly because we like it and want it despite how it might make us feel and how little it benefits us.

I look at it like this. Life and all the distractions that the world offers us vie for our attention and time. We consume regularly despite how detrimental these things are to our
intimate walk with Christ.
Just like junk food we are drawn to these things. They tempt us and seem so very appealing and yet we are still left hungry and wanting. And even more so we are left, sick, uncomfortable and regretting.

Many of us if given a choice between eating a big, fried, butter laden, hot and tasty dinner complete with a big ol' piece of chocolate cake or instead choose a couple of hard boiled eggs, veggie salad and an orange for dessert, most of us would opt to bring on the butter!

We hunger for what we feed ourselves regularly.

What happens if we change our diet?
When we begin to choose the salad and egg or other healthy choices consistently eventually that style of eating will become far more appealing to us.
We will even begin to hunger and crave after it.

It is no different with how we use our time, with what we "consume" on a daily basis. If you find yourself bored with reading your Bible or always distracted while praying, if you find that you no longer feel passionate about your walk with God it might just be time to take a good, hard look at "what" you are feeding yourself.

Begin in your life to get rid of all outside distractions... T.V, books, movies, worldly music and instead choose Gods word, prayer, sermons online, praise/worship music.

You will begin to truly feed your starved soul.

What you once craved you will no longer want. You will hunger after the Father, you will crave His word and time spent on your knees will be a balm to your heart, food to your soul, and your joy will become abundant!

Fire will come, passions will stir within and watch out, because God will do a work in your life and in your family!!

Tradesman and I play a sermon almost daily in our house. To some that might seem excessive but to us it's exciting. I look forward to it. I crave it. I can hardly wait to get on that couch with him at night and pop on a sermon. We gave up watching any t.v. a couple of years ago and pretty much dropped movies as well. We still like to watch one once in a while when we get one for a good deal at the Christian bookstore but for the most part it just does not interest us much these days.
We want to be challenged, we want to be moved and listening to great godly teaching regularly does just that.

Here are a couple of our family's favorite sites. ~Little snippets of powerful sermons with music in the background. Incredible speakers and pastors. You will probably recognize most of them. When I put one of these on in my house, I can guarantee that my older children will be hovered around the computer in no time. ~ A mix of short and long, challenging and life changing sermons. (My favorite "You must suffer" with John Piper, Tradesmans favorite.. anything by Paul Washer) ~ We like to look up our favorite speakers and pastors on here and listen to whole series of sermons done by them.
*Updated new link* ~ This is David Platts resource site. A pastor that we as a family have come to respect greatly. So many incredible and challenging sermon series. We are learning much.

Another favorite passion of ours is audio books. Hanging out on the couch together cuddling and listening to a challenging book not only is great time spent, it also fosters awesome communication that spurs one another on. ~ This site has a free audio book download every month. So far we have downloaded a few books that we have loved. Crazy Love by Francis Chan, Desiring God by John Piper, Revolution in World Missions by K.P. Yohannan, currently we are listening to The Hole in our Gospel by Richard Stearns (this months free download)

This is just a small sampling of some of the many amazing resources out there available to us. We have many more sites that we love and I wish that there were more hours in the day to take it all in.

When it comes to what we put in our minds we should be picky. With stuff that isn't necessarily bad we still should be choosy. Whatever our diet may be, it will have a profound effect on that which we hunger after.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." ~ Matthew 5:6

Feed the fire!

Friday, May 7, 2010

First Love

I hurt.

There I said it.

I haven't been writing as often because well, I am thinking. I am thinking lots.

My babies were due very soon. 2 weeks actually, but who's counting?

I have been 2 to 3 weeks early with the last 4 children. Considering twins are usually early it's a good chance I would have been cuddling my little ones right now and yet here I am with empty arms.

I ache. I do.

I can't sleep tonight and not because I am up trying to juggle how to nurse 2 wiggly, squishy newborns, but because... I'm not.

Oh, how I wish I was.

I long for it not to hurt. Really I do. I will go to church on Sunday and smile at the woman who is due right around the same time as I was. I will gaze at her belly and be genuinly happy for her, I will. Or if she's not there because her baby has come I will rejoice with her... really.

I will come home and soak up my family. It will be Mothers Day and I will revel in the fact that I AM a mother to 10 beautiful children. 6 of which I have the privilege of spending everyday with and 4 of whom I will spend an eternity with.

I will think about my precious babies in heaven especially my little twins whose hands, fingers, and toes are etched forever in my brain. I will dwell not on my loss, but on my gain.

Yes, I am different.

I am changed.

Maybe not on the outside, but inside there is a whole world of beauty. Not of me, but of Him.

I am still human, I fall oh so very short. But, the love.

Oh, the love.

I cannot begin to describe it.

I know now.

He is my first love.

HE is.


"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you."

~Philippians 1:3 (ESV)

Monday, May 3, 2010


Weekends are for big sisters making tee pees...

for little brothers.

And for little brothers...

to lounge in for the afternoon.

Weekends are for puddle jumping...

even if you are still in your jammie pants.

Weekends are for baby girls...

to eat yogurt outside in their bare feet.

Weekends are for mamas...

to enjoy baby girl eating yogurt outside...

until baby girl decides mama has taken enough pictures...

and walks away.

The end.

Hope your weekend was full of thankfulness,

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