20 weeks today.
Half way through...such a milestone. I always loved it when I hit this week in my pregnancies. Such excitement, such anticipation. Nice large belly, lots of kicking and active movement, over the hump of morning sickness, looking forward to the promise of new life just around the corner...
I know I should stop counting. I know its wrong, silly, crazy, whatever. I can't help it. Tradesman says that I need to stop, its only going to hurt more. He's right.
I was thinking about them so much today. I was thinking about all the crazy ideas we had for announcing our pregnancy over Christmas to our families. We knew that my big belly would have been impossible to hide any longer.
Funny how sometimes I feel like two different people. On one hand I can laugh, talk, be silly, enjoy the festivities around me. I can pretend everythings just fine.
Then there is this part of me that's not really there at all. It's sort of just watching everything. It's thinking, remembering, hurting, weeping.
I have been listening to tradesmans new Casting Crown cd all day. One song I cannot get out of my head. "Here at Your Feet"
Here at your feet I lay this day down..not in my strength but in Yours I've found
All I need...You're all I need
Jesus, Jesus at your feet oh to dwell and never leave
Jesus, Jesus at your feet there is nowhere else for me...
There is nowhere else for me
Here at your feet I lay my future down...all of my dreams I give to you now
And I find peace... I find peace
Here at your feet, I lay my life down...For You my King, You're all I want now
And my soul sings...Cause I am free
I lay it down, this long day, this constant reminder that I am not 20 weeks pregnant today...I lay it down here at Your feet.
My dreams and hopes for the future...here at your feet Jesus
I am here at your feet Lord, my life it's yours ...there is really nowhere else for me... I find peace in You alone, in You alone my Lord. Peace in knowing that you have it all figured out, you have it all planned.
With You my King, my soul sings. Thank you Father that my soul still sings.
A New Year, new beginnings...not what I thought it looked like, not exactly how I wish it could be. But, exactly where I want to be...
At His Feet.