Its been a tough week. I'm not going to lie. Planning this memorial is not something I wanted to really do.
I do want to honor their little lives despite how short they were. I do want to recognize them in front of family and friends that they were and are very much loved as much as all of our other children.
I do want to acknowledge the creator and author of life as the lover of our souls, the only one who could possible sustain us at this time.
And yet it is so very difficult.
The body of Christ has been wonderful. There has been no shortage of people willing to help and encourage. I have been overwhelmed by peoples generosity.
I wish I could say it lessens the grief, or makes each day more bearable. However, it does not.
When I was looking for a verse for the memorial handout I was overcome with emotion. It just seemed so unfair. I did not want to make a death handout sound nice. It's not nice.
I want to make a birth announcement. I want to shout from the roof tops how very blessed I am. I want to say the very desire of my heart has been heard and answered!
So hard to hear the voice of truth when the loudness of your grief and emotions are all that fill your ears and mind.
I feel dry. I feel empty. I have nothing lofty to share, no great spiritual insights.
It's funny this line from a hymn has been playing in my head over and over again this week.
"I have no other arguments, I have no other pleas, it is enough that Jesus died and that He died for me..."
It has to be enough. I cannot argue my point, my side, how I see things with the Creator of the Universe. I cannot plea something that is already finished, already decided.
He allows NOTHING to happen that goes outside His realm, His sovereign will.
I know He grieves as well. I know His heart hurts when we hurt.
The reality is we live here on earth. We live a life separate from God, in the shadow of sin.
Our sin.
This life here is not meant to be easy. Its full of trials, pain, grief, and sin.
Our hope cannot be based on temporal issues. That's all we have here. TEMPORARY lives.
Our hope must be built on things that are eternal. Our hope must rest on HIM.
His righteousness. His sacrifice that frees us from this sin filled, broken life here on earth.
"Our heart shall rejoice in Him because we have trusted in His holy name. Let your mercy be upon us, just as we hope in you."
Psalm 33:21,22
When I was looking for a verse, this is the one that comforted me. My hope is on Him and Him alone. I can rest assured that "It is well with my soul."
His mercy, His all encompassing love is what I need, and crave to be able live out this life when it doesn't make sense. When all I want to do is shout up at the sky "WHY?"
It is well with my soul. It is well with my soul.
It is enough.
8 comments:
(((Sherry)))
You don't have to post this as a comment, I just wanted to share something with you. Sometimes I think that Christians "everything happens for a reason" but I don't. I believe that God had nothing to do with you losing your precious twins. I believe that God created a perfect world, where miscarriage would have been unheard of - however, the fall of man brought sin into the world. One of these consequences of sin is that our bodies are no longer perfect. Thing go wrong, people get sick, people get cancer, people lose babies - none of this was in God's perfect plan. I know this is somewhat controversial, and I certainly don't want to upset you, I just hate it when people say "Oh, God meant for this to happen." Because I sincerely believe that he did NOT. I do know, that God will always be there for you when things go wrong. I think God can and does intervene sometimes, but for the most part, at least in my experience - he has let nature "take it's course" so to speak. BUT, when terrible things do happen he is always there to comfort us. I don't claim to know the thoughts of God, this is just how I understand it.
I agree with you.
Maybe I haven't communicated very well.
I most definitely do NOT blame God nor do I believe that He killed my babies. I DON'T believe that He WANTS death nor sickness or pain to be upon any of His children.
But like you have said and I have as well, this is just a very real part of living here on earth in the shadow of sin. Our world is not how God originally intended. It is now imperfect and broken.
I DO believe however, in Gods sovereignty. I Do believe that He allowed this to happen. I know that He could have stepped in and healed them if He chose too.
And I do very much believe God can bring beauty from ashes, that He would not have allowed this to happen if He did not see in the big picture a way to bring glory to His name.
There are countless examples in the Bible where God allowed bad things to happen to HIS people only to bring it full circle and HIM alone to be glorified.
I HAVE to believe that this story is not finished, that there is more that I just cannot see.
I think we agree, I think? :)
Thank you so much for sharing, I really appreciate hearing your heart.
I just want to say that through all your grief you are a great help and have brought comfort and strength to me. You have been allowing God to use you to minister to me and I know a whole lot of other women. Thank you for that. Thank you for helping me see clearly how God's grace is sufficient and how if all He ever did for me is die on that cross, that would be enough. Our Lord is faithful! Our God id merciful! Our God is Holy! Our God is sovereign! I love him for that. I also love you as a sister in Christ for sharing your life with a total stranger and lifing me up. May God grant you peace. comfort and complete understanding. May the joy of the Lord(and all he has already blessed you with) be your strength.
Sherry I know that the following verses cannot dull the pain, but the title of your post was "Hope" and I felt these words appropriate to share. Verse 20 really stuck out to me. (Isaiah 65:17-25)
Love J.
17 "Behold, I will create
new heavens and a new earth.
The former things will not be remembered,
nor will they come to mind.
18 But be glad and rejoice forever
in what I will create,
for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight
and its people a joy.
19 I will rejoice over Jerusalem
and take delight in my people;
the sound of weeping and of crying
will be heard in it no more.
20 "Never again will there be in it
an infant who lives but a few days,
or an old man who does not live out his years;
he who dies at a hundred
will be thought a mere youth;
he who fails to reach [a] a hundred
will be considered accursed.
21 They will build houses and dwell in them;
they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit.
22 No longer will they build houses and others live in them,
or plant and others eat.
For as the days of a tree,
so will be the days of my people;
my chosen ones will long enjoy
the works of their hands.
23 They will not toil in vain
or bear children doomed to misfortune;
for they will be a people blessed by the LORD,
they and their descendants with them.
24 Before they call I will answer;
while they are still speaking I will hear.
25 The wolf and the lamb will feed together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox,
but dust will be the serpent's food.
They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain,"
says the LORD.
Your memorial today was a blessing to me.
love, J
lol, we do agree Sherry. And sorry if I assumed incorrectly where you were coming from. It's just I've heard so many Christians say stuff like that and it makes me sad. I think you are so brave and such an inspiration to other mothers and women. I see God using you in a powerful way through a simple blog, as well as furthering His kingdom with more little Christian children who will grow up to be amazing Christian adults someday. You have an amazing heart and faith. Thanks for sharing with all of us.
P.S. - Your worded it way better than I did, haha, you have a way with words! But yes, I agree with you 100%. Sorry if I implied I didn't think God is sovereign.
Post a Comment