Its been a tough week. I'm not going to lie. Planning this memorial is not something I wanted to really do.
I do want to honor their little lives despite how short they were. I do want to recognize them in front of family and friends that they were and are very much loved as much as all of our other children.
I do want to acknowledge the creator and author of life as the lover of our souls, the only one who could possible sustain us at this time.
And yet it is so very difficult.
The body of Christ has been wonderful. There has been no shortage of people willing to help and encourage. I have been overwhelmed by peoples generosity.
I wish I could say it lessens the grief, or makes each day more bearable. However, it does not.
When I was looking for a verse for the memorial handout I was overcome with emotion. It just seemed so unfair. I did not want to make a death handout sound nice. It's not nice.
I want to make a birth announcement. I want to shout from the roof tops how very blessed I am. I want to say the very desire of my heart has been heard and answered!
So hard to hear the voice of truth when the loudness of your grief and emotions are all that fill your ears and mind.
I feel dry. I feel empty. I have nothing lofty to share, no great spiritual insights.
It's funny this line from a hymn has been playing in my head over and over again this week.
"I have no other arguments, I have no other pleas, it is enough that Jesus died and that He died for me..."
It has to be enough. I cannot argue my point, my side, how I see things with the Creator of the Universe. I cannot plea something that is already finished, already decided.
He allows NOTHING to happen that goes outside His realm, His sovereign will.
I know He grieves as well. I know His heart hurts when we hurt.
The reality is we live here on earth. We live a life separate from God, in the shadow of sin.
This life here is not meant to be easy. Its full of trials, pain, grief, and sin.
Our hope cannot be based on temporal issues. That's all we have here. TEMPORARY lives.
Our hope must be built on things that are eternal. Our hope must rest on HIM.
His righteousness. His sacrifice that frees us from this sin filled, broken life here on earth.
"Our heart shall rejoice in Him because we have trusted in His holy name. Let your mercy be upon us, just as we hope in you."
When I was looking for a verse, this is the one that comforted me. My hope is on Him and Him alone. I can rest assured that "It is well with my soul."
His mercy, His all encompassing love is what I need, and crave to be able live out this life when it doesn't make sense. When all I want to do is shout up at the sky "WHY?"
It is well with my soul. It is well with my soul.
It is enough.