Monday, December 7, 2009

Peace

The memorial was beautiful. Not only did I feel the spirit of God in the room, but I felt an overwhelming amount of love and support from the people around us.

I have to admit, I still did not feel ready to see people, talk with people, and just be normal. I hid at the front when everyone was coming in. The whole thing was rather surreal.

The ceremony was simple and yet perfect. I felt a peace that I had not felt all week wash over me. Although, I cried throughout the entire ceremony, I dried up when it came time to leave my seat and actually talk to people.

I wish I could say I was gracious and had great things to say, but instead I wandered around rather emotionally spent and a few apples short of a bushel.
Seriously, I introduced family to...uh, family. Tradesmans sister in law to his nephew and wife. Wow, now that was embarrassing.

I walked by one nice man whose wife I know and who had been praying for us consistently throughout this whole thing and just briefly stated "I don't know you" and then kept walking.

I had officially lost it. I think that I said alot of dumb things that didn't make much sense to people, but I really don't remember what I said. The whole thing was so outside my comfort zone, and the emotional state that I was in didn't help much.

There were people that I wanted to connect much more with and yet did not really get a chance too. I was truly overwhelmed by peoples willingness to be there to support us. Some had driven quite a way to get there and others had given up their previous plans to help us out.

Amazing to me how much God can use His people to tangibly show His love through.

A friend who loves us dearly had everything set up and organized when we got there. She amazed me. Her daughter sang for us the song on my blog "I will carry you" during the ceremony. It was breathtaking.
The pastor who did our service not only did a wonderful job, but him and his wife and their group who had been praying for us provided all the food including set up and clean up for the little reception following.
When I was struggling emotionally with putting together our simple little memorial pamphlet, my one friend took 30 min to format and put it together beautifully so all I had to do was take it in to have it copied. She saved me hours and many tears. Her husband and their church also provided the lend of their brand new sound equipment for our singers.
A husband of a sweet couple we know willingly came and selflessly did our worship despite having little time to prepare.

My heart swells with gratitude. My cup overfloweth. God is SO very good.

It is only by Gods grace that the ceremony went as it did and by the people that He worked through.

I know for us that this is not over. I am very aware that my grief is still very real and difficult.
I do have a peace that was not there before. It is a quiet, knowing, and sad peace.

I have to admit both tradesman and I felt very oppressed all last week leading up to the memorial. We were discouraged, a little lost, and overcome with grief.

I am thankful for a God who did not give up on us, who stayed close by and held us tightly in His grip. A God who grants peace out of turmoil and calms the very strong, and mighty storms in our lives.

Tradesman shared with me this song that really ministered to him throughout the week. I thought I would share it here in case it happens to minister to any of you on whatever path or trial you might find yourself in.


Tenth Avenue North - Hold My Heart .mp3


Found at bee mp3 search engine



(Don't forget to pause music in my sidebar)



How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long ’til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I’m on my knees, begging You to notice me
I’m on my knees, Father will You turn to me?

One tear in the driving rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that’s all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You’re everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart
I’ve been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there’s no other way, I’m done asking why
I’m on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I’m on my knees, Father will You run to me?


One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that’s all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You’re everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart.


So many questions without answers,
Your promises remain
I can’t see but I’ll take my chances to hear
You call my name
To hear You call my name



One tear in the driving rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that’s all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You’re everything You say You are



Would You come close and hold my heart
Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart



Love,



2 comments:

Angelica Bays, TygrLilies.com said...

(((PH and loving husband, Tradesman)))

Anonymous said...

It has blessed me to know that God has surrounded you with so many who were able and willing to reach out and help you during this painful time.

J

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