Friday, March 19, 2010

The Real Mess


Glass vase, rocks, new tulips from my neighbor and a whole lot of water hits the wood floor.

I react.

I see it. The pain I caused.
Blonde curls fall over his big blue eyes, they well.
His cherub cheeks so sweet, but his little lip it protrudes and quivers.

"I'm sorry mama...I didn't mean too."

Oh how it aches now to type it, to remember his precious face and my angry expression, my voice annoyed and loud.

With towels we mop up, him and I side by side.
As I watch his little determined expression while his wee hands try to mimic mine, I meditate.

This wet mess is far easier to clean up then the havoc I created in his tiny heart.

Why am I such a slow learner?

I can create all the beauty I want in the nooks and crannies of our home, but it matters not to my children if I have failed to create beauty in my heart and actions.

I am grateful for the quick forgiveness of little ones, the unconditional love freely given, chubby arms that wrap around my neck and heart. Kisses and smiles that replace the ugliness of moments before.

It comes like a flood, the gratefulness for my life, the sorrow for my many inadequacies and I reflect.

Oh, these little ones have so much to share with us. Sometimes we as mothers are the students and they are the teachers.

Each day is full of choices, moments are captured good and bad and I am thankful.

Blessed, grace-filled memories are but a moment away.


I'm Erin. said...

I love your writing...I can just picture the chubby little arms and see the happy smile forgetting the sadness while tears are still on his cheeks.

Glad you at least had a picture of the prettiness before the crash :)

Anonymous said...

I am so glad I`m not alone in my slow learning!! Thank you for sharing honestly and openly. I love to read your blog and often fine Joy here. Thank You~K

Dawnelle said...

I can relate to this post SO much-

Anonymous said...

I am thinking that the flowers look like this pic is an after the crash view - they look like they hit the floor once (pretty but bent) - much like we humans - beautiful but not without our bruises - or perhaps beautiful because of our bruises.

Take comfort in the fact that if you were as perfect as you would like to be in responding correctly all the time - every time - your children would never learn to love and live and forgive in a fallen world.

Nor would they learn how to repent and to confess our shortcomings if they never saw any etc etc.

So mama your goal is to model Christ for sure - but Christ knew all along you would not manage it perfectly all the time - every time.

So pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get back at it and teach your children how we need to forgive ourselves as well as to forgive each other - and enjoy the light of Gods' grace and forgiveness yourself.


Rosemary Van said...

Where is the altar-I see myself so much in this post. I too have lots of kids and homeshool. Thankfully the Holy Spirit is there to convict in time for us to say we're sorry! Thanks for opening your heart!

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