I haven't shared a whole lot about the physical side of my loss. It just seemed too personal, too painful to talk about.
After some questions from friends and some emails from women that I do not know personally who were curious about the choices we made I have decided to share.
The day that we went to the hospital one last time to confirm whether or not our babies were truly lost we fully expected to be admitted for a "procedure" if indeed they were.
Thankfully, the obstetrician that we spoke to after checking one last time for a heart beat really spent some time with us. He listened to my heart and my desires and gave me another option.
He was just as adamant as the other OBs and doctors that we do not wait out the miscarriage to come on its own. He too agreed that it was far too big of a risk.
He did however give me the option of taking a drug that would induce labor and allow the miscarriage to happen with the help that would be needed to do it efficiently. He prescribed a drug and allowed me to go home. I would need to take it for 24 to 48 hrs and then return to the hospital for yet another ultrasound. This time it was to be an internal one (lovely) to make sure that the drug did its job fully.
I was thankful to be able to go home, take the drugs and crawl into bed. I won't lie, it was not an easy route to take. The drugs had nasty side effects, the labor came on with a vengeance and the whole thing was messy, painful and difficult.
The decision was not made lightly. The OB had laid out the risks, he told us what to watch for and what to head to the hospital for.
It boiled down to the fact that I wanted to see my babies, I wanted to hold them just once. I know for some women that would just be too painful and I completely respect that.
For me, it was the closure that I craved.
There were a couple of scary hours. The placenta did get stuck and I did pass out at one point. Tradesman prayed fervently and kept watch on my bleeding. God was there. He never left us alone.
When I followed up for the ultrasound I was told that the drugs had adequately expelled everything from my uterus, but that the lining of my uterus still looked abnormal which could be expected from such a large loss. I was warned that my first menstruation would be a doozy. (oh joy)
I did bleed for a good month following. I was not however, quite prepared for the "doozy" that he warned of.
My first menstruation after some spotting and light bleeding came on like a beast in the middle of the night. It awakened both myself and tradesman. (that would be my yelping)
A hot shower while trying to find a way to even sit and ease the pain with lots of crying and feeling sorry for myself was how the rest of the middle of the night played out.
I ended up in bed for the rest of the next day and found the first 24 hrs to be crippling. Even walking to go to the bathroom was brutal. Nausea was a nice sidekick to the whole thing as well. I have had some bad periods but nothing quite like that. At times it took my breath away.
It has now become the gift that just keeps on giving. I am now on day 10 and the bleeding will not stop. The pain is fine, no problem there now. I am just exhausted and spent. I feel weak and drained.
So my question to those of you who have experienced miscarriage is ~
What was your first period like following your loss?
Was it extra long?
I have never had a period that lasted more than 5/6 days and by that time the bleeding was light. After my previous miscarriages it was no different.
This seems to show no signs of slowing down.
I am looking for natural ways that I could heal and feel better. I would like to avoid going back to the hospital if at all possible.
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I am so very grateful for the wealth of women who share their wisdom, knowledge, experiences and ideas with one another. What a gift to each of us...thank you.