*entry from my journal winter 2010*
At last her little soft hand reaches for mine. I enclose it, wrap her in arms close.
We rest. I weary in need of a nap, her cranky and needing sleep.
Scooped up she comes to my bed unhappy. I lay down with her and yet she fusses and complains, big tears spill down cheeks.
The pudgy pout takes over her little face. Up she sits resisting and defiant. I whisper love and sing a song of comfort.
I stare at her and contemplate how very much I am like this little strong willed baby girl of mine. How often as of late I wrestle and complain. I resist and fuss about the unfairness of it all.
Why oh why are we being treated this way? I don't understand, I don't like it. How can this be of any good?
I am defiant.
And yet there HE is... so patient, so loving. Beckoning me to rest.
Rest in me.
Know that I see and understand. Know that it is still for your good. I am preparing you, stretching you. You see only now, I see later...much later.
His whisper soothes me. His truth sustains me and I quiet.
She slumbers now, little nose pressed against my cheek, her heavy, contented breathing flows over my face. It is what she needed. Not what she wanted, but mommy knows.
She is assured that when it's uncomfortable or uneasy, I will still be there.
Never alone. Only an outstretched hand away. Just like my Father in heaven.
I will reach out for His hand and I will rest.
"If you are going to be used by God, He will take you through a multitude of experiences that are not meant for you at all... they are meant to make you useful in His hands."
~ Oswald Chambers