Wednesday, February 15, 2017

One life.
Live it well.
One shot.

What does that look like amongst the crazy that is mommahood?

Kids grow. Messes made. Lessons learned.
Life doesn't stop all around you.
Painful experiences leak into the crevices of our day to days,
and we feel fragile.
It affects our every hour and frustration, grief, loss, it cripples us.

We look into beautiful trusting eyes and they plead momma... be here.

Be here.

I keep learning this.

A few years of painful difficult experiences that left us jaded and weary.
Then like pilgrim we crawled out of one fire only to be met with a new one.
Painful transitions and more rejection that found us bewildered and broken.
The mountain, God said, can be moved with faith the size of a mustard seed.

Ours smaller still and voices hoarse, our feet bleeding, we kept climbing.

And climbing still. The mountain changed terrain and now just feels unhabitable.

In my journey more times than I wish I have forgotten to look up.

I'm so busy counting and lamenting every painful, ardurous step.
I only look down.

My Saviour. He beckons me,

Look up.

Yes, I see you. I see your suffering.
I see the trenches, the pits you fall in and the bleeding torn feet.

Do you remember my sons bleeding torn feet?

Why is it that to us our pain feels oh, so all consuming that remembering the walk of our Saviour is far from our minds?

When we identify with him in our suffering we have opportunity to be like him.

I don't want to be like him. Not right now. I want to feel my justified pain and focus on the unfair misery.

But mommas when this state we dwell, little hearts wane.

They flourish in joy, new days, fresh moments and abundant love.

So look up, we must.

Suddenly the sky is blue, the trees point heavenward, the sun feels warm.

You can find that elusive hope.

The breeze finds its way onto our faces and hope it blows too.

Courage is found.

Grab little hands in ours, rub backs of young hearts, smile full at teenage faces longing for you to connect.

"Be here".. I hear him whisper to my soul.

Mommas, we can't stop our worlds from spinning out of control.
But we can be a constant.

They can look to us because we look to him.

We keep climbing our painstaking journey but we no longer watch our feet and the path ahead.

We look up instead.

Jesus from his brutalized body, heart and mind looked up.

He said, it is finished.

Your will, your purposes all completed in me, my death.

So we women, mommas of courage look up and relent to the finishing work.

I must die in this moment.

My consuming emotions, my grief, my "whys" all need to be put to death 

Courageous mamas build strong children

When they see our joy despite our circumstances they learn to trust

Trust the one whom is always waiting for us to look up. 





1 comment:

Sylvia said...

I love this blog. And I don't know you, sister, but I love you! I connect and relate to so much of what you have said in the blogs. Be encouraged To know, like Elijah, that you are not the only one left.

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