My Boy

*a page from my journal~ fall 2010


My precious son.

He sits so confident, there on the couch. This boy/man... who is he?

Do I really know?

Have I taken the time to listen?

Do I hear when he speaks, do I read the pages on his heart?

It feels as if I only hear my words, echoing loudly off the walls..it fills my head to brimming. Why, oh why so angry? Why so annoyed?

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child and yet folly is bound up in the heart of this mother.

His weaknesses run me annoyed and the sweet fragrance of home is sour.

I tear down when I could build up. A critical heart shows weak.

His laugh tears into my soul, his smile contagious and bright. Oh the wonder of a boy on the brink of manhood!

A mothers heart reflects on how all at once foolishness is nowhere to be seen and behind the poise, posture of maturity he's still there.

A him that I forget to notice, a him that speaks volumes of what his Father in heaven has done in his heart.

He shares his stories of the evening. Evangelism on the streets with his father and older brother, a night filled with conversations with the lost. His word pictures and analogies amaze me..who is this young man who speaks so eloquently across from me? And how am I missing such wisdom?

I see it then, this fragile growth of a boy struggling to reach the light, stretching and searching.

I feel the pride and responsibility welling up inside of me to water, to gently care for and feed this young sapling. His roots are growing deep, they are grounded in the soil that produces and yields fruit and yet he's young.

Oh Father that you would shine through me that your light would illuminate my words and actions overflowing into the dark areas of the soul.

Your words make souls strong. I will speak strong into his life.

For am I not privileged to raise your warriors? I will fight hard the weak in me and equip the strong in him.

Thank you for the blessing of this son Father God. Thank you for the blessing of my boy.